it’s called “compassion fatigue” and I never found something that described me so accurately.
- Get more A’s than B’s or lower in my classes
- Friendships, not relationships
- Get better at tennis
- Work out more (get them abs and dat ass)
- Watch my diet
- Balance tennis and academics
- Stay ahead of classes
- Don’t get too distracted (unless it’s the weekend)
- Feel good about myself
I was going to write a post about how lately there’s been a lot of attention going on lately about me and Jason, but I changed my mind because I’m not even going to start with that.
It’s been very peaceful and tranquil lately, and I don’t want that to change. And honestly I’m really just not feeling up to that kind of stuff lately, it’s nice to just have friends.
Other than that, this week has been kind of stressful, but I think it’s been paying off. I have an anatomy quiz tomorrow that I feel like I should be stressed out about, but at the same time I think I’ve actually done a pretty good job pacing my studying, so I don’t really feel like I’m cramming (although connective tissues and memorizing that is another thing… plus I feel like I’m not studying specifically enough… ah whatever I’ll just keep on studying). Other than that and a couple of papers to write, I think I’ve been doing a surprisingly good job keeping up with everything.
And then at the end of the week I’m traveling to Oberlin to play in my first college match! So I’m really excited and nervous at the same time about that, Kirsten for instance yesterday was being very hard on us during practice, probably because of Oberlin. Sara was talking about how she’s like that, one day she’ll be really cool and laid-back, while other times she gets kind of super hard and intense.
Oh yeah and then I went on the hospital floor for the first time today! That was pretty cool… and a bit hectic. We were just talking to this one lady on the floor, when all of a sudden she had to go to the bathroom. It wasn’t like an extreme emergency but it was a bit overwhelming when all of a sudden hospital staff kept on asking me to go get help and to go to the medical supply room to go get wipes for the patient. Especially after I did a friggin’ orientation scavenger hunt like 30 minutes before that incident happened, so I was basically half-panicking and freaking out a little bit as to what the hell I was supposed to be doing, and to doing whatever the hell I was supposed to be doing in an efficient, timely manner.
Other than that though, it’s been a decent start of the week. I’m going to go take a nap now though because I feel absolutely drained.
This has been a very satisfying night; today I finally feel like I’ve come to terms with my emotions and that I can finally move on.
I’ve come to terms with Eric. I told him everything that was on my mind about our past relationship last night, and since then I’ve officially moved on and realized that yeah, there’s going to be a small part of me that will always care about him and will always look out for him. I don’t care if people think I’m stupid and ridiculous and obsessive over him, because I don’t think that I am. I think I just reached the point where I can put the past behind me and I can be a friend and be there for him as much as I can, despite our past. And yeah, that included me helping him with Jenna last night. It’s love, but not that kind of love, not anymore.
And then after getting that very enlightening text from Nicole, it made me realize that yeah, I am a decent girl. Actually, no I’m not a decent girl. I am a very awesome girl, and that any guy would be lucky to date me. So I shouldn’t get my hopes down, and that this is far from the end of the line for me. There’s so many better things that are gonna come up for me, so many more bigger and significant things, that this little incident will seem nothing more than a cliché story.
So yeah, I feel very in check with my feelings right now. And now I can focus on other things right now in my life. Frankly I don’t even give a shit about Jeff right now, he’s not worth worrying about anyway.
Mhm, I think it’s been a solid night. Goodnight folks.
- Nicole: Hey so two things. 1) thank you so much for taking care of me yesterday and for the amazing talk like at 4 am. And 2) I hope you realize how what an amazing girl Eric lost, and I hope you start understanding your own value.
- Jeff: Yes or no?
- Me: I don't know.
I love the other freshmen, but other times I can’t help but be peeved by them and kind of just feel like I don’t belong. And they’re so thirsty.
It’s time to get back to business.
Book of Five Rings, Miyamoto Musashi